Evolve Couples

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Section 1 – What is my Relationships’ Negative Cycle? 7 Topics

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Lesson Content

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Introduction – About this Course and How to Use It (1:22)

What is a Negative Cycle or Pattern in a Relationship? (2:53)

Examples of Typical Negative Cycles in Relationships (6:10)

Components of the Negative Pattern – What Triggers You? (2:13)

What do You do when You are Triggered? (4:26)

Exercise, Talk with Your Partner About Negative Cycles You Have Seen (4:29)

What is the Negative Cycle / Basic Components

Section 2 – Assumptions – Thoughts that get Your Side of the Pattern Going 7 Topics

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Lesson Content

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How Your Stories and Assumptions Drive the Negative Cycle (4:43)

Examples of Assumptions and Stories We Tell Ourselves (3:30)

The Meaning We Make When We are Triggered (5:12)

What Situations or Cues Trigger Your Story? (4:25)

Exercise – Think About two of Your own Stories – What Meaning do you Make about the Relationship? (2:09)

Exercise – Share one of Your Stories with Your Partner (2:45)

The Negative Cycle – Your Triggers and Stories

Section 3 – Deepening Your Understanding of Assumptions / Your Story and Where it Comes From 6 Topics

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Lesson Content

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Why are Our Stories So Important in Driving the Negative Cycle? (4:55)

Where do Our Stories and Assumptions Originate? Hint – It’s Usually not Your Partner! (4:08)

Examples of Origins of Negative Stories and Assumptions (6:13)

Exercise – Mapping out Your Story and Where it Originates (3:07)

Exercise – Share one of Your old Family Stories with Your Partner (2:56)

Stories / Assumptions and where they Originate

Section 4 – Reactive Feelings Born out of Negative Beliefs and Stories 7 Topics

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Protective (Reactive) Feelings that Come from the Negative Story (1:32)

Why do we have Reactive Feelings? What is their Purpose? (3:47)

Layers of Feelings – What Might be Lurking Underneath Reactivity? (3:47)

Examples of Typical Reactive Feelings (3:29)

Exercise – What are your Reactive Feelings that Stem from a Belief About Your Partner’s Intentions? (2:55)

Exercise – Share What You Understand About the Reactive Emotion and the Story it Comes From with Your Partner (2:38)

Reactive Feelings Born out of Your Story

Section 5 – Behaviors – How Our Actions Help Drive the Negative Cycle 7 Topics

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Lesson Content

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What are Reactive Behaviors – Some Examples (8:23)

How Our Nervous System Goes from 0-60 – Driving Behavior (2:34)

When We were Young – How Those Behaviors Helped and Made Sense at the Time. (2:51)

Examples of Reactive Emotions and Behaviors and Where They Come From (5:24)

How Reactive Emotions and Behaviors Create Disconnection with Your Partner (2:51)

Exercise – Map out Your Reactive Behaviors (and the Reactive Emotions They Stem From) and Share Them with Your Partner (4:04)

Reactive Behaviors that Drive the Negative Cycle

Section 6 – The Deeper Emotions – Vulnerability 7 Topics

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Lesson Content

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Vulnerability – The Key to Connection with Your Partner (1:14)

What is Vulnerability Exactly and how do I Know I’m Doing It? (4:37)

Vulnerable Emotions and the Nervous System can be Driven by Negative Stories. Unfortunately We Don’t Know it at the Time (3:04)

Examples of Vulnerable Emotions Driven by Your Story and Resulting Expectation (6:47)

Exercise – What are the Vulnerable Emotions Triggered by Your Stories and Beliefs? Write Them Down (4:11)

Exercise – Share the Vulnerable Emotion You Discovered with Your Partner (4:30)

Vulnerability

Section 7 – Vulnerable Feelings – How to Calm the Nervous System so that You can Access Them 7 Topics

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Lesson Content

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Why it’s so Hard to Share Vulnerably (3:50)

How to Create Safety in Order to Shae Vulnerably (5:29)

The Gift of Your Hard Work – Connection (3:15)

Exercise – Box Breath and Calming the Nervous System (2:16)

Exercise – Take Time to Know You are Really Being Vulnerable – How to Support and Encourage Yourself in that Process (4:53)

Exercise – Now that You are Feeling Safer, Share Something Vulnerable with Your Partner (5:18)

Learning to Calm Down the Nervous System so that Vulnerability is Possible

Section 8 – Ok, Sounds Good, but How do I Really put This Into Practice? 7 Topics

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Lesson Content

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Notice when the Negative Cycle is Happening and call it Out (4:43)

The Function of the Time-Out and how to call it Responsibly (4:24)

Calming the Nervous System and Making Your Partner Right (4:39)

How to set the Stage to Share Vulnerably even when You Don’t Want To (3:22)

Exercise – Naming and Sharing Your Resistance – Tell Your Partner that You are Having Trouble Sharing Vulnerably (2:35)

Exercise – Connecting the Dogs – Sharing all the Layers (5:07)

Putting it all Into Practice

Section 9 – Putting it all Together 8 Topics

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Lesson Content

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Remember the Most Important Thing – Vulnerability Equals Connection (1:57)

It’s Not Only About the Words – Learning how to Slow Your Reactions and Access Real Vulnerability (3:18)

Being Patient with Yourself and Your Partner as You Work on Changing Patterns (3:37)

Second and Third Chances (5:11)

How to Keep Working on This – Give Yourselves Time and be Gentle (3:46)

Exercise – More Practice Sharing Your Story, Reactive Emotions, Reactive Behaviors, and Your Underlying Vulnerability with Your Partner (2:40)

Exercise – Setting Goals and Future Wishes with Your Partner (3:23)

Summing it all Up